AM I ALONE?
Is it because I was raised by a single Dad?
Am emotionally closed out. I don’t know how to open up to the people I love or like. Speaking about specific things or topics doesn’t come easily for me. I get this hesitation that I really can’t explain. Deep down I really want to speak out (like now) but I always fail. I feel like am either going to burden someone or am going to embarrass myself in the mix.
Well, my mum died when I was really young. My whole entire life till my university I didn’t really have a female figure in my life. We all know that most men are emotionally not available and my dad falls under the category of most. He provided everything we ever wanted through thick n thin but never ever sat down with us to talk about life. To ask how school was other than concentrating on the grades. Never asked about any questions that would end up being personal.
As Warren Buffett wrote “The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken."
That being said, I want to change, I want to risk but it seems to be harder than I anticipated.
So,I’ve decided to write about it today, bits and bits as a step and challenge towards my desired goal because I’ve realised I’ve failed to date or try to date or stay long in a relationship. I’ve refused to let myself go. I’ve refused to trust, to open up. To talk about my needs and to ask for help. It’s not because I don’t want to, I just don’t know how to.
How do I change, how do I become more open , more verbal about my wants, how do I trust or let my guards down ?
It’s a lot more than am letting on right now but those who have at least been through this can get my point. Please share your experience and offer me some piece of advice. I’ll totally be grateful and I’ll be following.
Am searching for that that everyone longs for.